Thanksgiving just doesn't hit the same anymore. I get all geared up to fight for my life at the dinner table, make my yearly WE'RE CELEBRATING GENOCIDE speech, and cry tears of frustration at the boomers who are INCAPABLE of a SLIVER of empathy.
There was this morbid sense of accomplishment growing up, when I "ruined" a "nice family dinner" because I "shouldn't take casual racism so seriously". I felt whole in my moral superiority, in educating the ignorant, in blatant yelling at my extended family. If they didn't want to believe in actual equal human rights, then I was going to pull them out of their cocoon of complacency that they are normally wrapped in with their friends who have the same beliefs.
But not anymore. And not because I finally got them to see others as...well...people.
But because they're no longer in my life.
And I know that the mature, cool girl thing is to ~protect my peace~ and in my everyday life, that's great. I love peace. I love not being surrounded by them. But at Thanksgiving, well, is it insane to miss the drama?
And yes, you're right, fighting about politics is not just a fleeting academic interest or a hashtag cute hobby. It fucking hurts to know that the people who are supposed to love you, view your existence as a Hispanic person in the same way trumpy does. There are a lot of emotions tied up into it, it is emotionally exhausting to fight for human rights with people who have no empathy.
HOWEVER, I'll admit it, I'm nostalgic for the Gab Against the World Show. And on further reflection, maybe this is why Shameless is my comfort show. The husband says that statement is insane, and he finds Shameless really very stressful. Meanwhile, the most anxiety-inducing, STRESS-FILLED show for me is Gilmore Girls, which is his comfort show. This is probably the biggest problem in our marriage.
I actually found Gilmore Girls to be the show that made me realize I have some sort of anxiety disorder that only comes out when Rory or Lorelai speak, I'll have to write about it in another post, I have a LOT to say.
Shit maybe the family fighting brings me back to my childhood and that's why I'm nostalgic for it? These past few Thanksgivings without it have felt really uncomfortable, like the other shoe has to drop somehow. Like I can't just live...happy? in peace? content?
And now that's too much self-reflection for the day, let's all go back to being borderline shallow personalities.
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