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Confession Time

I jump head first into hobbies, drop an obscene amount of money on all the accessories and the just as quickly get my head turned by a whole new project after a month. And because I suck at organizing, when I inevitable go back to said hobby, I buy new stuff for it.

And it's not that I want to be this way, slowly suffocated by my mountain of discard projects. I think it really is just about wanting to have an identity and stick with it. You know what I'm talking about, those knitting girlies who make beautiful sweaters and their social media is just plastered with THIS IS ME. I've tried to be knitting gab, painting gab, embroidery gab, hell, this is writer gab right here. WHO BUYS A WEBSITE DOMAIN AND SERVER SPACE, MAKES FOUR POSTS AND THEN JUST DROPS IT.

For years, growing up, I was gymnast gab, but I was also actress gab, I tried on soccer gab, I accomplished go-karter gab, let me try out for this varsity dive team gab, I'm going to apply to art school gab even though I had never drawn or painted IN MY LIFE. I was also bow and arrow gab, but to be fair we all were when Hunger Games came out.

My point is, I'm done beating myself up about it. I'm just going to accept that people are not one-dimensional and we're all allowed to have a variety of interests. I'm going to organize all of my projects into different bins and just pull them out when the interest strikes me, AND I'm going to stop trying to force myself into a box. I can knit a hat and not make an instagram account about it. I'm not going to quit my job and start selling my embroidery work. Which, thankfully, I didn't do but I was very close after completing one of those step by step how to make an embroidered butterfly videos.

Maybe we all want to have that ONE THING that we're known for or good at or something to identify with or whatever. Maybe the knitting girlies struggle with the same thing but are better at holding on the facade. Reflecting on it, there can't just be one thing that makes a person completely content, right? Maybe there is and I'll find mine. Maybe for some people it's identifying with being a reader and mine isn't necessarily a hobby.

Perhaps (#myattempttostopsayingmaybe), I should just be happy that the things I've been very good at sticking with is Husband and Cat 1 & 2, and Career. It's good to have stability in those things, so who cares if I buy new yarn even though I have mounds of it that are sitting unused. But then I give up on my new yarn and decide old yarn was the perfect yarn all along.

I think this is just a cute little existential crisis brought on my JoAnn's Fabrics.

And the fact that I tried knitting after creating a website and spending LITERALLY SO MUCH MONEY TO HOST A DOMAIN.

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