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Girls being Girls

Early High School

High School wasn’t all bad. I did a lot of activities, I tried everything I could, and it wasn’t just gymnastics. I did go-karting, the dive team, I tried book club, gymnastics, amnesty, really a million things. Show Choir.

The poetry, that was a creative writing class that forced me to reflect. That was internal, and towards the end. Outwardly, I had So! Many! Friends! So why would it only be a one-on-one hang, sometimes. Why was my only real friend-group, the Nerd Herd. And why were they so weird about race tooooOOOoo.

Early high school, I went to one cool kid party, invite courtesy of J who told me that they only want her to come if she brings her beautiful friend, me. I’ll never forget that comment.

She dressed me up, helped me with hair and makeup, she was the first girl to talk about BOOBS BEING GOOD and that I am HOT. She showed me how to attract a man, outwardly, inwardly, I was still awkward as fuck. And we didn’t like the boys that came around with our hot girl outfits, she showed me how to shut a mean man down. The confidence to do it. She did it on my behalf. She saw their intentions where I didn’t.

We went to a Kid Cudi Concert, we did teen things, we had girls, girls, girls, and just did stupid, fun things. I drove her car when I was 15! We did stupid things! Like get high and go to dive practice!

She stepped away when I got really into my ED, I probably was reckoning with all of the racism without actually realizing it. It must’ve been sickening for her, and when she stepped away, it was a wake-up call for me. I feel so proud of her for that now. At the time, I was just sad, empty, but it made a Fun One-Liner! I can’t wait to get close to her again, to visit her in medical school. To support the shit out of her.

So many women of color, on the look out, subtle as fuck, quiet but there. Moments of sun. Peace in a state of survival.

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