Alternative title- High School got suffocating, I didn't belong anywhere, really. I didn't know why. People started being more gray. It was literally eating me alive. TW: ED
Poetry from senior year of high school.
Confinement
the comfort of melodies, lost in the wind
soft pink fabric billowing around me, I laugh
burning bodies dance in fear, they surround me
perceived intentions, exhausted sacrifice
lofty praise, they want me terribly, I laugh
imposed pleasure conquers a weary soul
passion is necessity, please understand
flames engulf me in eternity, but right now
my mortal misconceptions slip pass, and I laugh
Sore throat
perched on a patch of moss
intricate clutter mess, the sound of sweet cicadas
try not to think of tiny insects crawling around me
whispers of stress blow away with the delicate fall breeze
suddenly I don’t feel like coughing
the tree trunk presses circular patterns
onto the small of my back wilted daisies do not grow,
unmovable rocks are stuck in the soil
Cosmos
tiny clumps of green patches cling to the side
of the dirt mound
like a tiny forest for insignificant creatures
the intricate labyrinth growing up onto the earth
a whole cosmos destroyed by one clumsy step
she failed because she tried too hard
They run together like a pack of wolves
a hint of citrus clings to desolate memories
smells like the cure for a sore throat
thin butterfly-like coating peeled back to reveal
rifts, splits, flaws, cracks
her fragile spine is broken in obscure places
the exhausted pillow lays sprawled on her bed
he asks her to marry him but she says no
a whole cosmos destroyed by one clumsy step
Purgatory
our mortal life lived consumed in malaise
my descend downwards was provoked by shy words
she doesn’t see me, where am I? he sits at her feet,
their eyes interlocked in cheap appreciation oh- but she was mine, where am I? dejection judgement passing, relinquished appointed destiny
the shrieks ascend from a luxury so shameful plight of lust,
I sing to the tormented wind
I should be at her feet, where am I?
befall fate for she runs from me, from us
retreat steadily from my murky gaze
harrowing strain, pitiful marriage, sincere flight
Oblivion
Catch her gaze mid-swing, airborne flirtation
she flung off her shoe willingly, revealing silk socks
auroral beauty, she echoes great laugher
a stone cast sculpture crafted in our likeness watches silently
an overwhelmingly esoteric presence
forever observing human antics, the human race
and I cry- let us live free of judgement,
allow vain affairs and brief histories,
let us have some temporary happiness
in this inescapable tragedy, this “divine comedy”
Leavings
they box their ears in disdain, they don’t like to listen
to melody that escapes her lips, she is pouring out liquid fire
they shut her out, and lock her up inside herself,
she crumbles to the sound of her kingdom
mark the days against the clock, he beats the drums,
and she, she wants to be entangled into his song.
she follows the lyrics to discover salvation, the rust is incessant but she polishes anyway
a bottle cap is stuck in the center, thorns pierce
the sidelines, they still want to rule
her lips tremble at the smell of their waving white banners.
I should’ve
my hair came out in taunting clumps when I brushed it
so the solution, this morning, was to leave it
It was the fall and I had my diving bag
Or it was winter and I had on a large coat
Either way I was hiding under oversized clothes
It was pouring rain, I was late
we just dropped my sister off and,
my mom, she was speeding towards the high school
weaving in and out of downtown traffic,
she was trying not to cry, I was trying not to scream.
it was cold or it was raining or it was spring
I was tired, dark under eye circles were my testimony
“Don’t you realize, it’s your fault”
those words threw me to the ground and we wrestled
my mom, she watched as they won
when I stepped out of the car,
I was crying or I had been or I was going to
surely, the sharp wind dried my tear-stained face,
I was a liquid because her question melted me
“how would you feel if it were her, not you?”
fatigued bones must have carried me to class
I adorned a sweatshirt and most definitely, it was black
a stranger smiled at me in the hallway
I returned it or I didn’t or I was going to
Either way, it didn’t matter
She dies with chlorine hair
rims of military ombre, a wilted daisy trap
but now they hate her, she scratches
sprinting for relief, please go away
they ripped her jeans or they ruin her shoes, she screams.
they tell her to swim, she asks how.
fading on into her incompetence, she suffocates.
pick her up and throw her to the ground,
frustration wrapped up in blankets, she sits.
heavy bags, the rose petal changes fronts
cool melodies escape from her nightmares
the vision retracts the delicacy of the air.
The depths of happiness and haphazard hair
despite the dark half moons inscribed under your eyes,
your porcelain skin expose no signs of Imperfections.
half of your messy brown hair
is covering an almond shaped eye
mouth wide open, revealing your smiling white teeth
you lost that smile for a long time
beneath bloodshot eyes and a weary heart
clouded by the tauntings of your own voice
imprisoned within the depths of your own insensibility
your messy brown hair was used as a shield
protecting you from the intimidations of the outside
your now porcelain skin was once peppered with blemishes
tell-tale signs of malnourishment
now, your jarring dark circles are overlooked
masked by a face of pure delectation
surrounded by friends making dopey faces
you’re not detached, nor deserted
your porcelain skin no longer display signs of Imperfections.
half of your messy brown hair is covering an almond shaped eye
what sadness that once ruled your life, is forgotten in this moment,
you’re very happy
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