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It's Called Teen Angst, Mom

Alternative title- High School got suffocating, I didn't belong anywhere, really. I didn't know why. People started being more gray. It was literally eating me alive. TW: ED


Poetry from senior year of high school.



Confinement


the comfort of melodies, lost in the wind

soft pink fabric billowing around me, I laugh

burning bodies dance in fear, they surround me

perceived intentions, exhausted sacrifice

lofty praise, they want me terribly, I laugh

imposed pleasure conquers a weary soul

passion is necessity, please understand

flames engulf me in eternity, but right now

my mortal misconceptions slip pass, and I laugh




Sore throat


perched on a patch of moss

intricate clutter mess, the sound of sweet cicadas

try not to think of tiny insects crawling around me

whispers of stress blow away with the delicate fall breeze

suddenly I don’t feel like coughing

the tree trunk presses circular patterns

onto the small of my back wilted daisies do not grow,

unmovable rocks are stuck in the soil




Cosmos


tiny clumps of green patches cling to the side

of the dirt mound


like a tiny forest for insignificant creatures

the intricate labyrinth growing up onto the earth

a whole cosmos destroyed by one clumsy step


she failed because she tried too hard

They run together like a pack of wolves

a hint of citrus clings to desolate memories

smells like the cure for a sore throat


thin butterfly-like coating peeled back to reveal

rifts, splits, flaws, cracks


her fragile spine is broken in obscure places

the exhausted pillow lays sprawled on her bed


he asks her to marry him but she says no

a whole cosmos destroyed by one clumsy step




Purgatory


our mortal life lived consumed in malaise

my descend downwards was provoked by shy words

she doesn’t see me, where am I? he sits at her feet,

their eyes interlocked in cheap appreciation oh- but she was mine, where am I? dejection judgement passing, relinquished appointed destiny

the shrieks ascend from a luxury so shameful plight of lust,

I sing to the tormented wind

I should be at her feet, where am I?

befall fate for she runs from me, from us

retreat steadily from my murky gaze

harrowing strain, pitiful marriage, sincere flight




Oblivion


Catch her gaze mid-swing, airborne flirtation

she flung off her shoe willingly, revealing silk socks

auroral beauty, she echoes great laugher

a stone cast sculpture crafted in our likeness watches silently

an overwhelmingly esoteric presence

forever observing human antics, the human race

and I cry- let us live free of judgement,

allow vain affairs and brief histories,

let us have some temporary happiness

in this inescapable tragedy, this “divine comedy”




Leavings


they box their ears in disdain, they don’t like to listen

to melody that escapes her lips, she is pouring out liquid fire


they shut her out, and lock her up inside herself,

she crumbles to the sound of her kingdom


mark the days against the clock, he beats the drums,

and she, she wants to be entangled into his song.


she follows the lyrics to discover salvation, the rust is incessant but she polishes anyway


a bottle cap is stuck in the center, thorns pierce

the sidelines, they still want to rule


her lips tremble at the smell of their waving white banners.




I should’ve

my hair came out in taunting clumps when I brushed it

so the solution, this morning, was to leave it


It was the fall and I had my diving bag

Or it was winter and I had on a large coat

Either way I was hiding under oversized clothes


It was pouring rain, I was late

we just dropped my sister off and,

my mom, she was speeding towards the high school

weaving in and out of downtown traffic,

she was trying not to cry, I was trying not to scream.


it was cold or it was raining or it was spring

I was tired, dark under eye circles were my testimony

“Don’t you realize, it’s your fault”

those words threw me to the ground and we wrestled

my mom, she watched as they won


when I stepped out of the car,

I was crying or I had been or I was going to

surely, the sharp wind dried my tear-stained face,

I was a liquid because her question melted me

“how would you feel if it were her, not you?”


fatigued bones must have carried me to class

I adorned a sweatshirt and most definitely, it was black

a stranger smiled at me in the hallway


I returned it or I didn’t or I was going to

Either way, it didn’t matter




She dies with chlorine hair


rims of military ombre, a wilted daisy trap

but now they hate her, she scratches

sprinting for relief, please go away

they ripped her jeans or they ruin her shoes, she screams.

they tell her to swim, she asks how.

fading on into her incompetence, she suffocates.

pick her up and throw her to the ground,

frustration wrapped up in blankets, she sits.

heavy bags, the rose petal changes fronts

cool melodies escape from her nightmares

the vision retracts the delicacy of the air.



The depths of happiness and haphazard hair


despite the dark half moons inscribed under your eyes,

your porcelain skin expose no signs of Imperfections.

half of your messy brown hair

is covering an almond shaped eye

mouth wide open, revealing your smiling white teeth


you lost that smile for a long time

beneath bloodshot eyes and a weary heart

clouded by the tauntings of your own voice

imprisoned within the depths of your own insensibility


your messy brown hair was used as a shield

protecting you from the intimidations of the outside

your now porcelain skin was once peppered with blemishes

tell-tale signs of malnourishment


now, your jarring dark circles are overlooked

masked by a face of pure delectation

surrounded by friends making dopey faces

you’re not detached, nor deserted


your porcelain skin no longer display signs of Imperfections.

half of your messy brown hair is covering an almond shaped eye

what sadness that once ruled your life, is forgotten in this moment,

you’re very happy

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